The Battle at the Breast

Philip is not a good eater. We think he sucked on his tongue in utero, and he has a tiny mouth. Also, he was born at 37 weeks and learning to feed is more of a challenge for babies born early. Mostly because they have "sleepy baby syndrome"; they don't know how to wake themselves up to eat. 

I loved breast feeding Ezra and Silas. Some people hate it, others are indifferent, and some are crazy about it. Me? Loved it. I wasn't crazy about it- not like I wanted to nurse forever or got all emotional about it or anything. Just found it enjoyable and a very loving experience for both of us. This time around? Frustrating and exhausting. I'm not feeling a lot of love. Just giving it tons. 

Philip lost a lot of weight in the days after his birth. He went from 5/13 down to 5/1.5. We had to stay in the hospital an extra day because he hadn't started gaining yet. When they discharged us, he was 5/4. 

I require the use of a breast shield in order for him to latch properly. I have also been pumping several ounces a day to either bottle feed him or freeze for later. Rob and I have been feeding him every 2 hours to make sure he starts gaining. At three weeks old he is still not up to birth weight (almost! 5/12) but at least he is going the right direction. If he slows his growth at all, we will add formula to the mix. 

We kept track of his feeds for four days to make sure he was getting enough and we fed him 37 out of 96 hours. 

That's 40% of the day. 

We are tired. 

BUT. It seems to be going better. The older Philip gets, the more alert he becomes and the more he wakes himself. He also seems to be a bit more efficient at nursing and the bottle, which is relieving. 

We have two-a-week doctor appointments for the foreseeable future and have been referred to a pediatrician. My doctor has been very encouraging and helpful these last few weeks. 

I am confident he will grow and be just fine. But it sure has been a battle so far. Soon we will turn a corner. I can feel it. 

Maybe I will learn to love breast feeding again someday too.